Just like a mother’s love, a “sex offender” is forever

By Sandy . . . Kirk Nesset. Luke Heimlich. Wes Heyden. Brandon Hester. Michael Cain. Alexander Collins. John Zamarripa. Peter Yarrow. Roman Polanski. Steven Striegal. Bruce Habowski. Jensen Seifert. Daniel Silverman. Roger Gilbert.

Do you know the names? If you know even one, you know them all.

They are all men who have had a career derailed, an honor stripped away, a name and reputation tarnished due to a past conviction of a sexual crime requiring listing on a sexual offense registry.

And now another is added to their ranks.

Adam Kimmel, Hollywood cinematographer, is on the sex offense registry in New York as a level one offender; this level in New York does not require public listing or notification. He has one actual conviction, in 2003, which involved sex with a teenaged girl. In 2010 he faced accusations from another teenager involving emails, touching, and kissing. Upon investigation, these charges were dismissed by the court.

Mr. Kimmel has enjoyed a brilliant career. Among his many, many film credits are Capote, Beautiful Girls, and Never Let Me Go. He was a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and of the American Society of Cinematographers.

In November 2020, Variety ran a lengthy article detailing his criminal charges and accusations and his status as a registrant on the sexual offense registry.

March 17, 2021, Variety ran another piece announcing that the Motion Picture Academy “has taken action and removed him” and that his name on the roster of the Cinematographers Society has a designation showing him “withdrawn” with an addendum that he was a member “from 2008 until his resignation in 2021.”

And so he joins the ranks of those listed above, those who, upon completion of a criminal sentence, were told by society, “Go; don’t break the law again; become a productive citizen; contribute to your community and society.”

And they did.

And society, rather than saying, “Job well done,” decided that the punishment meted out by the court ten or twenty years ago was not sufficient. Because their names were etched in “The Registry” and they bore the designation of “Sex Offender,” judgment was passed that  they must suffer more punishment. They must lose the fruits of their labors, the honors they won, their reputations, and their places in the society of “Good People.”

Had they criminal records for armed robbery, for arson, for murder, they would be lauded as successes of the justice system, those who reformed and went on to fulfill society’s expectations.

But for those with sexual crime convictions, there is no such thing as a “Reformed Sex Offender.”

Because the registry says so, they are forever “Sex Offenders.” It is always present tense.

Help us reach more people by Sharing or Liking this post.

Sandy Rozek

Sandy is communications director for NARSOL, editor-in-chief of the Digest, and a writer for the Digest and the NARSOL website. Additionally, she participates in updating and managing the website and assisting with a variety of organizational tasks.

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    • #82095 Reply
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      Jacob

      As usual from Sandy, wonderful article.

      EXCEPT the part about “consensual sex with an underage girl.”

      I thought it was NARSOL’s position that underage girls are not in a position to consent to sex with an adult.

      Such language makes it sound like NARSOL is trying to minimize what he did, obscuring the point NARSOL is trying to get across— that he DID do something wrong and has overcome it.

      It could be that he simply had sex with a 17-year-old when he was 19, but the article doesn’t say that, leaving the reader to assume that the difference was 15/25 or some such.

      If we want to understand why society is so unforgiving of certain people, then we may have to be willing to be more blunt about what they did to make society so mad at them in the first place. Otherwise we’ll just continue to blindsided by society blacklisting people.

      • #82110 Reply
        Sandy Rozek
        Sandy Rozek
        Admin

        Jacob, you make some excellent points. I used that phrase because that is what the article I was using as a source used. I have now changed it to a different phraseology used in the article. I have tried to find what his actual conviction was for and cannot. The term that was used at one time was “statutory,” meaning it was only a crime because there was a statute saying so. This is now out of favor but it is legally accurate, and at the time this happened, 2003, that may well have been what the conviction was.

        You are correct: The point is that he did do something wrong and has overcome it.

        NARSOL never advocates for anyone to break the law. Our official position about age of consent is stated here: https://narsol.org/2019/06/age-of-consent-criminalizing-juvenile-sexual-activity/

        Thank you again for your input.

        • #82111 Reply
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          A Mistake They Made

          I disagree A child can give consent it is simply not accepted by society as an “actual consent” this still does not erase the fact that consent was given, and there was not a vicious forced rape. I am not saying a childs consent should be ok ether. I am saying there is a great deal of difference between being held town kicking and screaming, and saying ok. They want to keep all registrants in the same basket don’t let them!

      • #82113 Reply
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        A Mistake They Made

        Jacob,

        There is a difference between holding someone down kicking and screaming and them participating in the abuse. The difference is in the person doing the abuse, and it should be noted! Your way of thought is part of the problem!

        Also never forget there are people in the registry that did not commit a crime!

        Society needs a wake up call big time!

      • #82220 Reply
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        CC

        I did not read “consensual sex with an underage girl”, Jacob. What I read was “…sex with a teenaged girl”. I do, however, agree with you that the age should have been referenced, 18 and 19 are still teenage ages, but above Majority in the USA, as far as I know.

        Our punishment never ends and anyone that says the Registry is not punishment is a buffoon.

      • #82272 Reply
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        Joe Coen jr

        This is common with sex offenders. We try to do everything possible to be productive citizens. But it seems there is always something in are way to move forward. So yesterday I received a letter from USAA, because I applied for life insurance with them. I have been a member with them for 17years. The letter stated because of my convection the have denied me from purchasing life insurance. I have tried to figure out what my convection has to do with me purchasing life insurance. This is just another example of sex offender will always have a uphill battle the rest of our lives.

      • #82287 Reply
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        Maestro

        Jacob,

        The prosecutor on my case made it clear to the judge that it was a consensual relationship. Sexual Assault in the 2nd degree in CT basically means that the younger person (teenagers from 14-15) gave consent but they’re just not allowed to while under 16. I guess this goes to show that even the lawmakers know that some teenagers think it’s cool to be with older people (like I did when I was 15 with a 22 yr old woman). So yes, technically it was consensual in that it was not a blatant rape or any alcohol or drugs used to for coercion.
        Another example of a consensual albeit illegal relationship is Elvis Presley (24) and Priscilla (14) at the time they met. No one says “boo” about that though.

    • #82099 Reply
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      Michael Alan Pierce

      Great article Sandy.
      Yeah, what ever happened to ( life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness )?
      I get it if I was sentenced to life or some other such nonsense but I wasn’t.
      I had an 11c1c agreement for 180 months federal imprisonment plus 84 months supervised release. I’ve taken the S.O.T.P. class and collected two certificates.
      I’d like to go camping when I get off supervised release in 3 1/2 years but that doesn’t look promising. Too many hurdles to jump through.
      These people in your article title have been banished from their chosen careers as well as associations from their peers for actions I have no doubt that a lot of those same peers have engaged in.
      I listened to a podcast hosted by someone we look up to who made the statement that only one in a hundred sexual crimes are prosecuted. There are close to one million on the registry. That would indicate that 100 million offenders haven’t been charged. Excluding children, it seems to me greater than half the population of America would need to be prosecuted for a sex offence. These numbers need to be investigated. Are we to think the pot is calling the kettle guilty for life?
      Thanks for letting me rant. 🙁

      • #82281 Reply
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        Derek

        They think it will cost them because your high risk of being attacked or killed ..

    • #82160 Reply
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      Debra Mrugala

      I have one issue with the so called “age of consent” – it’s ridiculous – to say a teen at the age of 16 doesn’t have enough “knowledge” or “maturity” to give consent is very laughable and for a 19 or 20 year old male to have his life ruined by having consensual sex is wrong beyond wrong. Teens at that age, thanks to social media and entertainment know more about sex than people now in their 50’s did when they turned 20 something. Take a look into the song WAP sung by Cardi B – a person in their 30’s have no clue as to what it is all about but ask a teen and you will get a schooling. This is where I believe the laws have to change, to get up-to-date in the “modern” world so that young people will not get caught in a system that takes their forever away. There is a place where sex offenses need and should be applied but to say, in today’s time, that teens at a certain age are not mature enough to give consent is grossly wrong. We are no longer in the 1940’s or 50’s, this is 2021 and the time for the boy to ask the parents if it’s okay for him to date their daughter are long gone.

      • #82163 Reply
        Sandy Rozek
        Sandy Rozek
        Admin

        And ironically, in the forties and fifties, girls in high school dated college boys with no questions asked. If the parents allowed it, it was nobody else’s business.

        The primary problem I have with age of consent laws is that the sixteen year old who is the victim if she has a nineteen year old partner is likely to be the perpetrator and put on the registry if she has a fourteen year old partner. And, if she decides to murder the nineteen year old rather than having sex with him, she will be tried as an adult in a heartbeat. It makes no sense to me that a teen is considered responsible enough for his or her own actions and decisions if they steal or kill but considered not capable of making those decisions where sex is involved.

        • #82252 Reply
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          Mike

          Your example about murder is excellent and I’ve thought about that numerous times in the last 15 years since I was convicted. My 17-year-old victim could not consent to anything sexual according to state laws in WI but let her commit murder and see if she would be tried as an adult. The hypocrisy is staggering…

        • #82293 Reply
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          A Mistake They Made

          This is a good example of the never ending hypocrisy

          Thank you Sandy

    • #82169 Reply
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      Jeremy Way

      To further Debra’s and Sandy’s last comments… there has been considerable discussion in legislatures throughout the country recently regarding which teams transgender students will be required to play on in high school sports. I have regularly questioned the “age of consent” laws and now so even more that legislators and courts seem to agree that, despite their “immature” brains, a teenager (or younger!) can decide their gender at birth does not adequately fit them and they change…and schools are forced to accept that decision. If one can make that life-altering decision as a legal “child” and it is seemingly supported by governmental people, it seems that logic would follow they are capable (“legally”) to consent.

      They can get an abortion without parental consent, but in most places, not a tattoo, pierced ears, a driver’s license or even buy spray paint. We might also remember that in the 1800’s, and in more rural areas, the early 1900’s, people were married at around age 15 and had families started by 16.

      • #82295 Reply
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        A Mistake They Made

        WOW an even better example of the hypocrisy I forgot about the children that want a sex changes.

    • #82174 Reply
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      Dan

      I once read of a case where a teenage boy was convicted on some kind of “corruption of a minor” law because he had been sexting. But the conviction was based on him being the victim – he was convicted of corrupting himself.

      A wise friend once told me – many laws are absurd at the point of the arbitrary boundary they create, but that’s the consequence of needing a boundary. While the arguments put forth here are great, we have to also consider the case of a 16 year old being courted by a 35 year old online. I try to take the position of not judging what may work or not for other people, but I’d be REALLY concerned to say the least if the 16 year old were my daughter.

      • #82178 Reply
        Sandy Rozek
        Sandy Rozek
        Admin

        Absurd is a good word. In one case a teenage girl was charged with distributing pornography because she texted suggestive pics of herself to her boyfriend. She was named as both the victim and the perpetrator.
        But the most absurd was in 2006 in Ogden, Utah; 13 y-o-girl; 12 y-o boy; she got pregnant. They were both charged with carnal knowledge of a child under the age of 14, and each was named as the victim in the other’s case. She was put on the registry; I think he was too but am not certain of that. I know she was because several years ago there was an article about her petitioning to be removed, and I could never find any follow up as to whether she was successful or not. Their names were never given due to their ages – another bit of absurdity; their identity in the press was protected, but she was put on the sex offender registry in Utah, a state that puts all convicted offenders on a public registry.

    • #82180 Reply
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      Brian

      Sad but so true. Exactly how it feels.

    • #82185 Reply
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      Surviving

      I compare people’s reactions to someone who experienced, or is close to someone who experienced, an unwanted sexual advance, and was victimized.

      I hear from people a lot that ex-smokers are the most critical to those who smoke. Like a sexual victim, who loses all empathy for what it is to come out of a situation as a survivor, and give their experience to help other victims to find the path forward. The victim who focuses on the person who committed the crime, but never has a thought as to why that person may have committed that crime in the first place. Who cares about the perpetrator, lock them up and throw away the key, while the real issue is still rampant in our society.

      I encourage those victims to find help, get into counseling, peer groups, like I have for the past 15 years. It does help to be validated as a human once more. Become a survivor of your situation, stop being so angry and find the courage and empathy to change a society that is so afraid to talk about sex in a positive way.

      When I hear a smoker tell me they are trying to quit, I simply tell them to keep trying, and eventually you will. It took me 5 attempts, and I finally quit cold turkey, 20 years ago. I don’t forget, I know how difficult it is to actually quit, and that is the empathy and encouragement I give to those still stuck as a victim, in your pursuit to survive. It’s OK to find help, stop staying the victim, good luck

    • #82207 Reply
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      Vince

      This Scarlet Letter system has to go. It DOES NOT WORK. It only works at destroying lives and separating familes. The sex offender registry online needs to be removed from public eye so those who are free can actually live a life. In a time where work is extremely scarce and so many out of a job, the restrictions that must be adhered to need to be done away with as well. Otherwise you are going to be seeing most sex offenders living on the street which in turn will make more “disappear” from the laws eyes. If you REALLY need to keep a list, then it need to be private and only accessible by the courts. No yearly visit by the police, no yearly photo by the police and no knowledge of it by the police until taken to court. This will reduce prejudice when performing traffic stops. There is absolutely NO need for a traffic cop to know the driver is a sex offender before even approaching the driver’s window. This creates bias in the traffic stop and will make the officer believe in their mind that they are already guilty. Besides the fact, that if it were an accident, the other party might overhear the broadcast on the officer’s CB and thus another person with bias is standing there NOW ready to blame the offender even if it was not the offender’s fault. A tiered system doesn’t work and the current system doesn’t work. The whole thing really needs to be throw away. My best friend is an officer and this is his view on the subject as well as mine. Hopefully people will see reason one day, probably when it finally hits home for them and their family is torn apart is when they will finally say “Hey, this is NOT the way”.

      • #82246 Reply
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        Gerald

        As a grandfather to a Sex Offender that has witnessed my grandson’s struggles trying to create advancements and normalcy in his life, Vince I agree with you a 100%. The true goal of the registry is money and power for politicians and government job security. Every year they come out with new legislation most of which is repeat legislation with added punitive, threatening, and unconstitutional ways to lock a reporting “Sex Offender” up. The goal is exactly what you said to drive offenders into homelessness and poverty. The sad part is that most of the legislation bypasses a vote by most elected officials as an add on to pre-established law.
        Look at how many politicians over the years that supported such laws have found themselves or their cabinets prosecuted in some way over the same laws they supported. The fact is that now a days a claim of any harassment or sexual misconduct puts a person(s) accused in the “guilty until proven innocent” category. Then even as I explained in my post like my grandson did if the person chooses to take responsibility for his or her charges. The law is now designed to somehow (with use of the term “Retroactive”) envelope all offenders regardless of classification into lifetime servitude of reporting as an offender with threats of punishment for not doing so.
        Here’s the question that I don’t get from my 95 years on earth, how can a punishment be issued after a person is sentenced and servers his or her sentence if our United States Constitution holds true? My second question is in doing so to extend any offender’s sentences for any criminal acts and “Retroactively” apply any extra sentencing to already convicted and sentenced individuals seems to be unconstitutional from already established legal doctrine. Why is this considered legal? Sex offender statutes seem to be the only vague doctrine that needs to be continuously added onto for further punishment. Even people on death row can be pardoned or have charges lessened due to thinking that has changed over time.
        I believe that “Sex Offenders” are the new whipping post for our country. No longer can my country pick on people of different religion, anatomy, race, or preference so a new whipping post must be designed which are the ones that fall victim to the mine field known as the Sex Offender statutes. It’s a horrible truth and the fact that I see is that it’s not getting better.
        The only way I see changes will happen is by really taking these Unconstitutional situations to court. Yes it will be hard, yes it will be expensive, yes it will be opposed and each case carefully scrutinized; but well worth the effort to start gaining victories that slowly rid our society of a list that honestly protects nobody. The list doesn’t even protect people that aren’t on it. Why, you may ask? Because most sexual offenses happen from first time offenders. The list would have to list people on it that are not with a sexual offender record. The list to be honest is a false sense of security promoted to the public. It’s like saying this guy or gal is on the list for doing something, watch their house, don’t let them have a chance at being normal ever again.
        The problem is the list is basically permission for the United States to legally segregate a person(s) from the normal population. It’s unconstitutional because although the people on the list committed a crime sexually motivated, the crime was not against the country itself and should not be morally aloud for that reason.
        I think you get my point but yes many things are a foul with the reasoning and allowance of the list.

    • #82208 Reply
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      Hardie Johnson

      Roman Polanski does not belong on your list. He fled after his conviction and is highly admired by his peers. Rape of a 13 year old does not seem to have affected him much.

      • #82248 Reply
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        TS

        Roman Polanski cannot come back to America and is in exile overseas. If he did, he would be arrested. While he has continued to be successful in films overseas, he cannot come back to Hollywood for work or be honored in person here, in America, for his work. That is the impact being drawn here WRT him.

    • #82215 Reply
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      Perry P.

      Double Standards are un play here. Some States make it that much more obvious than others too, and not a single one of them give a damn. Politicians have; still do, and always will, do everything in their power to make themselves ‘Champions of Sexual Justice’ as long as the stances they take, keep them in Office or put them in Office in the first place. I will say this yet again: It IS all about MONEY to them. Never mind what effects the Asinine Laws they create does or will do to those they target or the effect on the Target’s Family…or Families. When Government in it’s so-called ‘Infinite Wisdom’-COUGH, COUGH, finally wakes up to the fact that The Registry does NOTHING to protect any damn body, maybe…just maybe something will begin to change…in about a Century or so!

    • #82224 Reply
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      Tim d

      WOW!! great article Sandy, and then bravo for the put on the school girl dating the college guy. Yesteryears seems like such a long long time ago but it really wasn’t that long ago when that took place. Well put, thank you for the reminder.

    • #82221 Reply
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      Rose Marie Jueden

      Were is there justice in the Prison System am reach out again to find answers for my son who is going on 9 years in prison he was given 50 years for telling the truth and was denied a sentence reduction due to his two Attorneys not singing legal papers for sentence and parole reduction he wrote a letter to the judge who said in a letter back to him due to lack of filing the papers his case was closed his next time to file for and appeal is not until two years from now my son during all the 9 years in prison never been written up has been a lead Tutor and has stated many programs for the other inmates one of the positive programs is called Courage to Change (for while you are in prison you can change) Thank You a caring mother Rose

    • #82234 Reply
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      Surviving

      Hang in there Rose, this whole system has to change, but at the cost of many who deserve a second chance. I can’t imagine what my Mom was going through, at 68 years old, taking an 8 hour bus ride to see me. I am there for her every chance I get now, as she nears her 83rd birthday.

      I believe with advocacy for change, like NARSOL is fighting for, will one day open the eyes of the ignorant, and allow them to see the injustice occurring in every corner of this country. Stand up for those who struggle to be heard, but be safe at the same time in a misled society

    • #82235 Reply
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      Gerald

      What do you say when you’ve changed inside and apologized a hundred or even a thousand times to the family members you still see at family gatherings. My grandson took responsibility for his mistakes as their sibling when they were all children. He took responsibility after he turned 18 when the matter from the past came up ( but he was legally a juvenile when all this happened for clarification). So they prosecuted him as an adult. He was told he would have to report for 10 years on the Sex Offender Registration list. As soon as his time to be released off of the sex offender list came up in the last year the Police changed his registration (supposedly because of a laws “wording” that was overlooked at sentencing from a year before he was charged) to lifetime registration and a upgraded designation from Offender to Predator.
      My step son S. was going to help my grandson with money to secure an attorney. At first they consulted a Criminal attorney but the criminal attorney after conferring with the state police and doing a lot of work realized that the case was an Appellate case and would need a more expert lawyer in that area. He recommended one of the best, I finally thought we would see my grandson released from this scarlet letter. Even the Criminal attorney said he didn’t believe what they were doing with the way they applied this to my grandson was correct. Then my step son S. passed away. My grandson had to ask his mother to help. His mother said if you present me with a written bill or something I can try to help. On the day of the wake for my step son; my grandson got into a huge argument with his sister over the trauma they all suffered from their childhood that they’ve already addressed and I believed had moved past. She told him that he could never pay enough for the wrong he had done so she felt that him trying to get off the list was to deny responsibility.
      The fact is we live in a society that makes being a victim heroic and adds a pedestal rather than a understanding to what has happened in family or trusted situations. My grandson is not the person that he once was as a teen. I believe the situation that happened amongst him and his siblings was due to their curiosity and immaturity.
      Some backstory is that my grandson was struck by a car at a young age and his brain seems to have matured a bit later than it should have. His uncle which was my step son named S. said the same thing. All my grandson has wanted to do is move past his wrongs. The problem is that these laws were created by lawmakers in vengeance mode, not reforming mode. Many have used these laws as catapults to their career in politics. If any lawmaker back steps on Sex Offender legislation then they are considered sympathetic and accused of being a hidden sex offender.
      My grandson’s mother passed away 3 weeks ago from Covid. He now has no ability to challenge what was considered a good challenge to the sex offender statute by a criminal attorney. He’s lost all hope to used his AA and BA in business to make good money to support him and his children. I just wish being a World War II veteran at 95 years old I could help him. I barely get by paying his bills and my own. He’s apologized to our family so much in as he’s gotten older but without understanding and a way to do good for himself he’s looks to them to be lazy and underserved of forgiveness.
      My final thought besides my prayers for him and others that are truly labeled wrong to overcome this scarlet letter is that, no matter how much you attempt to find a rational common ground with the “Heroic Victims” of today, without a understanding of what has possibly happened to cause the problem, it’s impossible to meet their desired punishment. Just try to remember you are not what they say you are.

      • #82465 Reply
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        spider

        Gerald,

        These are the fights people will spend their whole lives trying to win. It’s terrible but everyone needs to keep with it. More importantly I think people should understand what the REAL problem is. They designed this system to outlive you and anybody else. They throw these cases around, stall them, do anything they can to minimize them. Of course, when they charge a person and then score the conviction they do it as loudly as they can and with high priority.

        It’s no longer you versus an accuser. It’s you versus the State and the corrupt system they built while everyone was too busy with Facebook and Netflix.

    • #82237 Reply
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      LJ

      The age of consent is an odd duck in America’s past. At about the same time that prohibition was enacted, the age of consent was RAISED to the age of 10 years old! I couldn’t find what the age was before that.

      Just this week, France proposed it’s first law making the age of consent 15 years old.

      Most prosecutors would state that a 15 year old boy who commits murder, “made an adult decision, therefore will be tried as an adult.” I’ve seen that quote in the paper many times. However, the same prosecutor in reference to a 15 year old girl who obtains a fake ID, goes to a bar and meets an older man, then sleeps with him is, “a child too young to know what she was doing!”

      You can’t have it both ways. I agree with another poster that even back in my day (the 80s) many, many girls were dating men in their mid-20s with full knowledge of their parents. What has changed so drastically since then? Just changes in the law. We’ve made a crime out of an event that didn’t used to be a crime.

      In the case of consent, why not raise the age to 21? At least that would be consistent with all the other ages where we consider someone an adult. Of course science says our brains aren’t fully mature until our late 20s. Maybe it should be 29? It seems the age chosen around the world seems largely chosen to produce the most arrests rather than protect victims.

      The last bit of evidence is how 15 year old male victims are treated in these cases. There was a local high school where a male teacher slept with a female student AND a female teacher slept with “at least two or more students.” The male teacher was arrested with a $3M bail. The female teacher was arrested and had $40k unsecured bond! Clearly the police and prosecutors don’t really consider a 15 year old a 15 year old. If they did, the female teacher would have at least had the same bail as the male teacher.

      I’m all for protecting anybody from predators, but we can’t treat an individual relationship the same as a man or woman cruising middle schools in a Trans Am.

    • #82247 Reply
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      R.Arens

      Oh, don’t forget R. Kelly, Jeffrey Jones and Mike Tyson. There’s 3 that are on the registry that I can think of off hand. I still see Jones and Tyson in TV shows once in a while. Though they’re s/o’s, their careers are far from dead.

    • #82274 Reply
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      H n H

      I hate to say this, but the current administration’s stance on the transgender issue gives me the best hope for these laws to change. Time will tell, cause we all know Elvis would be a sex offender today if it were in place and we wouldn’t have all the music he gave us. So…. Yeah.

    • #82275 Reply
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      Surviving

      Hello all,

      I really don’t want to live this life I’ve been handed by this thing society now wields, and calls justice. I went to prison for two years, and got out because I won my appeal. I knew where I stood in prison, better than I do serving a lifetime on DOC. Every 6 months I’m subjected to a polygraph that costs me $150. The messed up thing, it’s like paying for services that somebody else gets to use, against me. I pay for an internet nanny that watches my web browsing, at another $15 a month. That totals $489 a year for something that isn’t even on my J&S, and the state uses against me.

      I was fired from my superintendent job at a golf course, after working there for 11 years. I was deceptive on my polygraph, so they gave me another, I was thrown in jail after freaking out on that one too. After 10 years of working my way up in the golf industry, 1 year of college, buying my own condo, the judge didn’t know why they threw me in jail, and she threw out the case before I stepped foot in her court room.

      My CCO of 5 years was furious, didn’t know why I didn’t do the 30 days he recommended. 2 years later he still brings this up. I don’t know what else I have to do to prove my worth in this messed up society, but I’m never going to so fighting. I’m 58 years old, and my body isn’t working like it used to, and I’m afraid of what the DOC might do next. It continually feels like they hold my head under water, and I fight to find the surface to take a breath.

      I ask you all to never stop sharing your stories of your frustrations and anger. It feels good to know I’m not alone in my struggles. I read this forum for hope, and Sandy, thank you

    • #82336 Reply
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      Surviving

      Me again, I if anyone is still reading,

      I once had a life where society saw me the way that felt good to me. I had people in my life that I would call friends, mostly surface talk friends. Once I left my daughters and relationship with my wife of 18 years, I spent the next 7 months awaiting my fate of trial, reaching out to those I thought were my friends. Some comments I got from a neighbor/friend for 10 years, I don’t know who you are, and don’t ever call back again. This rejection from people I thought were my friends, I believe are the very same issues linked to this story Sandy introduced. After the many rejections within my own community, it got very frustrating and difficult to reach out for the usual dismissal. Eventually over the 7 months I gave up, on even my own daughters, and to this very day the best way I know to survive is to consider them dead to me, and hold on to the positive people in my afterlife, that see me for the person I have become today. So I don’t believe the title of the article does justice for the message that seems lost to me.

      Today, I recieved a call from my past life, a co-worker of 15 years I once had in my life, before all my life changed. He saw my application on his desk, recognized my name, and this is where the story changed. I recieved an email from a company that did background checks, knowing it came from a legitimate employer, I gave the company permission to check me out. Four days later(today) I got a phone call from my co-worker of 15 years. He told me who he was, and that he’s in charge of these jobs I applied. He said, when he recognized my name, before he could move forward with his thoughts, he wanted to be sure I was hireable for the position.

      He then told me he knows my background, and believes that everyone deserves a second chance in life. I was in shock, when I heard someone from a past I had considered dead to me, to hear my past validating me as a person worth giving a second chance. I told my wife this story, letting tears run down my cheek, it still lifts my heart to know the kindness this person had given me.

      I really wanted to share this story that is still fresh in my thoughts. I still have hope there are enough people willing to make change, to this deceived society that deems us as sex offenders forever. I’ll never be that guy I was 15 years ago, never forever,, but I’m going to advocate for change at every chance I find.

      • #82390 Reply
        Avatar
        Gerald

        That is a great thing to hear Surviving that you had an old acquaintance that really looked past the stuff you have had to deal with. He sounds genuine. I’m sorry you experienced the feelings you have, my grandson has those days. After losing both his uncle (my step son) and his mom ( my daughter) 6 months later he was in a bad place. I’m guessing reality has started to sink in to him that he’s probably going to be on this registry list even after I’m gone because of his inability to challenge what was done. I wish he could win the lottery but when money is so tight we forego even those little chances.
        I wish everyone trapped in this registry that truly want’s the chance to do better and live again the best. It’s an awful daily void in a persons natural life to be prevented from things that people like myself take for granted. I always could get a job, I could always go the park, or be anywhere I want; so I understand after seeing someone I love suffer through things that they are prevented from doing or have a more difficult time. Many hopes to all in these years ahead for better days.

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Reply To: Just like a mother’s love, a “sex offender” is forever
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