- This topic has 7 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 months, 3 weeks ago by Carol Salacka.
April 26, 2019 at 7:31 am #54925
Part II: The seeds of the man are planted in the child We would all love for life to be simple. You’re a this, and he’s a that. She is white, and he i
[See the full post at: “I’m a child rapist” — a story in four parts: Part II]
April 26, 2019 at 12:34 pm #54942
totally against public registry
I agree that we are all broken and need healing. The society we live in is a very cruel and judging one. I have always believed that perpetrator of a crime and the person abused should come together in a controlled and compassionate dialogue for healing and forgiveness. You are brave, sir, to tell your story and share the hurt you felt and caused. Thank you
April 27, 2019 at 9:49 am #54952
Thank you again for sharing your story, I feel that the more we talk about our lives and actions the better off all of society is. Sharing what has happened helps those that have lived a “perfect “ life understand that not all children’s lives are the same and that as adults we virtually relive our childhoods. I wish there was a public forum that we all could share these stories so that the public would have a better understanding of who we are and why we may or may not have done what we have to be labeled as we are. But society, as a whole I do not believe is ready to be honest with its self and truly look at and understand why sexual abuse happens. We must remember that “sex” sells, it gets people’s attention and gets them to act, or act out.
Off my box, thank you again and thank you NARSOL for allowing or having a place for these stories to be told I hope this is going to be a regular thing, and that others will be willing to step up and do the same. I know from personal experience that talking about it helps me, as well as others who were victimized and became the victimizers.
April 27, 2019 at 9:49 am #54965
I was lucky to have grown up in a setting that was nurturing and safe. I was very sexual growing up during the sexual revolution. That combination did not help my life. I was arrested twice and ended up in a very good treatment program which I have been attending there for more than 18 years on my own will. After hearing hundreds of stories, I am convinced that One’s first sexual experiences will pretty much define life desires. If for no other reason, this is a good reason why laws should exist to give children some degree of a fighting chance to have a normal sexual life. The account above is a good example of what happens when sexual experiences are deviant. A young life is thrown into a journey that will bring a lot of pain as we all know. Looking forward to hearing more. Thanks for sharing.
April 27, 2019 at 4:41 pm #54989
Wow. Sexualization is where it is at. Kids are NOT supposed to have sex or feel sexual feelings or even know what sex is. When they do, they open Pandora’s Box by learning that kids can feel sex; it is a lesson that we do not forget when we grow older. I was raped when I was 12 years old and I found myself fixated about porn of girls who were my age when I was violated. The cycle continues.
We are more than merely a sum of the worst things we did in life yet for registrants that is all anyone ever sees. Your bravery, Joe, humbles me. It makes me want to stand up and speak out. Thank you!
April 28, 2019 at 12:49 pm #55032
Again, your courage to speak out is courageous and I am grateful you found the strength to do so. I read these comments too of people expressing what they have gone thru and it is moving. Coming forward and sharing will move this cause forward and educate and comfort those with similar stories. That is a lot of good.
I have never understood as a society, going back to my childhood, why we didn’t do more to promote and understand mental health. But I also grew up with a brother who is intellectually challenged as they call it now. A nice change from retarded. My father was a psychologist. So my views, thank goodness for the good, were shaped in part because of that. So we all take what we have experienced and make it work for a better future.
I look forward to your next installment. Thanks again.
April 29, 2019 at 9:32 am #55066
Darrel R Hoffman
This sady story is true for the vast majority of sexual abusers. The abused usually grow up to be abusers. If not, they grow up to be addictive in behavior or extremely paranoid. I noticed this pattern when I went through my group therapy. It was always the same story. But you must understand the real,underlying cause of this bondage, which are demons-perverted demons that look to attach themselves to those are being abused by someone who already has one of these things. They are real, and the only way to be free from them and healed is through the power of Jesus Christ. Yes, you still need the therapy to deal with the learned behaviors that come with this, but you need the spiritual deliverance to break the power that urges you on to do it. I know, because I encountered it myself having been molested at 6 1/2 and attacked by a homosexual at age 13. Until I understood the spiritual power behind this, I couldn’t get free. Once I understood it, recognized it, and accepted the truth of it, I dealt with it and now am free. Therapists say you can’t blame the devil, but that isn’t exactly true. He can’t make you do something you don’t want to do, but if you never understood that principle from the beginning, which most children don’t, then yes he can. Only the truth can set you free, and to deny his evil influence in these matters is foolish and deceitful. Find a good pastor who understands these things and believes in deliverance ministry if you really want to be free from this bondage.
April 29, 2019 at 9:14 pm #55074
You are a very brave man. I don’t think you said what state you are in. I am a retired psychologist in PA trying to bring awareness to the brutal, traumatic and psychologically damaging ‘treatment’ of those on the registry. PA follows no rules or standards but their own. Even POs think the providers are clinically licensed but they are not. Almost none of the people doing the actual ‘treatment’ are not on the ‘approved provider list.’ A cottage industry has sprung up and these often licensed (NON-clinical) folks are committing fraud. The providers do not tell group members of their credentials or lack thereof. Clinically licensed people would lose their licenses if they did what these folks are doing. I am making our AG, Governor, state reps and others aware of the damaging impact of these providers practicing without a license. I am so sorry for all you have endured. We must all raise our voices and ask for help from the licensing boards of all MH professions.
May 2, 2019 at 5:06 pm #55232
The majority of sexual abusers were, in fact, not sexually abused themselves. The literature on the subject proves this to be true. I see commentary discussing, essentially, the ‘cycle’ of abuse continuing. In a vast majority of sex offenses, this is not the case.
For the record, I am a convicted sexual offender. For the record, I was sexually abused and elements of that abuse were prevalent in my offense. The distinction is that I don’t blame something that happened to me for something I chose to do almost 20 years after the fact. I took/take responsibility for what I did, the impact it had on myself and others, and the consequences on my life.
I know lots of former offenders. The main aspect that seems to be of consequence to them is their inability to move past what is ‘being done to them’. Before my offense, I had no job, lived off of other people, was mentally and verbally abusive, was diagnosed with BPD/Bipolar, hadn’t graduated high school. SINCE my offense/incarceration, I have helped run parenting classes, tutored GED students to success, graduated with honors from college, and help start and run a program to funnel ex cons to scholarships and funding for college. I’m on my way to law school in two short years, and no longer have any mental health diagnosis. The kicker? Probation and Parole gave me their blessing to do all of these things. No one else did anything else except for complain about circumstances they put themselves in. Life is only as difficult as you perceive it to be.
Your attitude about your life and the future says a lot and dictates a lot for you. You put yourself in a situation to have these things happen to you by offending; once you wake up and realize that, your perspective changes. As a result, I am not a sex offender; I am a man who made a bad decision 10 years ago, takes responsibility for who he was and who he now is, and has moved past that part of his life. Because of my attitude and accomplishments, everyone else has moved on, too.