I was hugely remorseful for my offense a very long time ago but as time and non ending treatment and polys and continually public hysteria run on and on I have lost hope of ever living a normal let alone happy life with true joy in it. It truly seems to me its all a big money game and DOC and all the treatment facilities and jails have a hand in the coffers. I feel mentally ill from all this it seems no matter how good you are or excel out here keeping treatment and parole officers happy it really doesn’t matter. I feel they hope I will screw up so they can send me back to prison. Because the pressure is always there. When will it ever end? When I die I figure.