In their collective rush to label people with harsh judgments they miss some of the primary sociological concepts that apply too many of the folks that have a touchless crime. what area specialty I work in is helping men break porn addiction for good. It is very difficult process. But we’ve become very successful at it. My years of research has helped me establish a methodology for this specific modern day plague. If you would ask a hundred counselors what their take was on pornography addiction half of them would probably say there’s no such thing and the other half of them would say that attics just like alcoholics will be spending the rest of their life and recovery.
what they don’t know is pornography addiction has nothing to do with sex. At least not the way we think of sex. They are not sex addicts. Why is that important? Because sex addicts will have sex. They will find a way. They will find a victim if they have no one willing. They will violate other people’s boundaries in order to have sex. That is a sex addict. A porn addict is not addicted to the sex. He is addicted to the process, in the same way that a gambling addict is addicted to the anticipation of a big payoff if he just waits long enough. The wait time with anticipation provides a steady drip of dopamine in the brain. almost all of the men that I have been counseling with describe the process that they go through and similar fashion. Most of them find a time and their day when make it have sufficient alone time to spend combing through the unlimited pages a free pornography. As their pouring over these images they are opening new tabs and keeping some reserve while closing others. They are collecting these tabs with likely candidates for the final project. In the process taking their getting excited as they begin to compare and contrast the different pictures and what they might represent. it is in this process which we call the hunt that the dopamine is being released in the addiction is being fed once they run out of time get too tired or for whatever reason have to finish up there time of using they settle on a single picture or video and they use that to seal the deal. only then do they actually physically enter into the sexual fantasy as if they were involved. Usually that part is short in the orgasm is good but it’s not as rewarding as the hunt. The part to bring shame on these men is knowing that they’ve lost control and so they load themselves down with shame. Shame is a form of self-abuse you attack your own character your own self-worth when people shame you from the outside when they are shaming with the quality of who you are. That is so different from guilt. guilt is where you or someone else identifies the wrongness of the behavior doing and points it out. Unlike shame guilt is focused on the behavior that was antisocial or unhealthy. Shame reinforces negative self worth and opens the holes in the soul wider causing the user to need more medication and one medication in order to feel okay. And this amplifies the use of porn.
except for the fact that some of the pictures that end up on the internet are illegal, and some people specifically seek those out, the crime is being committed is a person crime against individuals self-esteem. They are causing themselves a lot of pain. But there is no crime it describes being harsh on yourself. The secondary or collateral damage from pornography abuse is on the relationships that the user has, having a tendency to drift away from those in favor of their self indulgence. As a whole there is very little connection between poor news and acting out with real people. That is not to say that it never happens but poor news is not a gateway to violence. If someone is violent they have different character traits that are driving them. but our legal system assumes that if there sex involved and if it’s not sanctioned sex it must be a criminal act. So we’re limping everybody into one bucket and that is fundamentally unfair. I know in my state if somebody is caught with a underage photo it depicts sexual axe is considered a sexually violent crying. Even though there is no violence being done by that person. There are grand assumptions being made as to who’s being victimized and why. and in many cases the victim cannot be cross-examined because nobody knows who these people are. So nobody can really prove that they were being victimized. And I’m not advocating for child pronography even for violent imagery or abusive imagery. It ruins relationships and that was my concern and why I got into this line of work. But it does prove that the idea of sexual violent predators being no contact criminals makes no sense. If you’re violent you’ll commit violence if you’re a sex addict you will have sex if your appoint attic you will look at porn there’s these are three very separate levels and only two of those three rise to criminal behavior in most cases.