if you are doing anything illegal , stop, get rid of any connection to it and move forward in life. Get counseling and help. Your life has value and you have a purpose , one that when you find it , will give you joy and peace. Take time each day to be thankful out loud for the good things that you love, the hard things that make you stronger and the trials that build your character. If you are struggling with a porn addiction there are multiple places to find help and accountability programs, fight the new drug is one that has a lot of info and another is x3 groups craig gross.