Shame — Part III

By a daughter seeking kindness                     See also Part I         See also Part II

Part III — What will the future be?

Dad is still going through the court system. They want him to take a plea, but he will not. He is not going to be intimated to plead guilty when he is not. It has been almost two years, and we are still at square one. His case is still active. My mom wants him to take the plea because they have not seen their grandchildren since March 2019. Healthy, happy children have been forcibly separated from loving grandparents.

This accusation is a lie. In 1983 his charge and conviction involved a minor female. This current case is regarding a male minor who is now twelve years old. This person has a history of making false accusations of a sexual nature, having previously made such an accusation against a fellow student.

My dad is old now and finally showing his age. I am running out of time with my dad. However, because of the internet, my name is permanently attached to his forever, even after his death. My generation and the next one, that of the grandchildren, need to live out our lives before there will be enough distance from my father’s name so the great-grandchildren have a chance, just a chance, to live a normal life without someone Googling them for work interviews, background checks, or dating and finding my father’s name.

Even if you get your name off of the list, you will never get your name off of social media and other elements of the internet. You are totally fooling yourself if you think your name is permanently erased when they say it is. My family home is attached to me as a former address, an address that was on the registry, permanently; therefore, so is my dad.

And as far as the registry goes, it is, and will be as long as it exists, a blight on society. With it, we as a society are encouraging shame. We never let people who have served their time be free. We never allow their families to heal. With this list, we put young children in grave danger. This list is touted as being created to protect children. Where was my protection from the darkness?  With this list, we are letting strangers into our homes. We can’t protect ourselves, so how can we protect our families? With this list we encourage vigilantes, we encourage harm and destruction to the homes and property and lives of registrants and everyone connected with them.

A list like the sex offender registry cannot exist without hurting innocent lives. The families of listed registrants should be placed in a protection program.

Every family attached to this list will have to deal with losing friends, losing jobs, losing relationships, and will suffer from isolation. Many will be preyed on with blackmail or scams. Many will fall victim to addictions, suicide, and being sexually, physically, mentally, and verbally abused. As a group, the standard of living will be significantly lower than it would have been otherwise. In many cases, family units will be destroyed.

The days of doing the right thing for all life here in the USA is no longer.

Does it have to be this way?

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  • This topic has 1 reply, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 months ago by AvatarWearethePeople.
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    • #79677 Reply
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      q

      Good read. Simple answer?

      Police: “i knows the law…that’s what they tell me anyway”
      Judge: “sentence, DONE.”
      Prosecutor: “…bu-bu-bu public safety and “victim’s rights”
      Legislature: “…ok, so how much worse can we make this legal mess before our terms are over…”
      Lawyers: “wait, you mean we’re not ALL greedy liars?”
      People: “l&o svu makes it LOOK so real and dramatic, it MUST be true. btw, vote YES!”
      The accusers: “hi, i’m robin leech with today’s showcase of the rich and famous of the bahamas…”
      The accused: (forgotten)

    • #79770 Reply
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      WearethePeople

      I like the term Hit List that says a lot when it comes to the Registry. All family members are hurt by these laws. I for one do not agree with having names and address out there just on people who had a so called sex crime by there name. I know these laws are not right for so many. I am sorry for you and your Dad and your whole family. I know what you are going though. Tell your Father that I love him just like I love my grandson, and a lot of the men I got to know in his weekly group sections that I use to go to. Take care, and remember there are a lot of us like you out there!

    • #80304 Reply
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      Perry

      I’ll add you and Your Father to My Prayer List. I also agree with you in that Other Websites will never, remove My Name from their Listings even if I ever get off The Registry Myself-which is unlikely as I’m an SVP-and yet, I have to continue to hope. If I stop Hoping, I’ll lose My Mind for sure, and that’s what The ‘Pharisees Of Today’ want me to do, and ultimately take my own life. not happening! Now, I’m hopeful; that with this new Administration, they’ll do what they said and actually begin introducing real criminal justice reform that includes getting red of the registry, or at least eradicating Notification Laws, such that at the very least, those of Us on The registry don’t have to worry about Vigilantes coming after Us and others Harassing Us and Etc. Maybe I’m ‘Pipe Dreaming’, but I’m hoping for it just the same. Prayers continue for you. Stay Strong!
      Nuff said!

    • #80953 Reply
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      LKW

      Oh, Dear Daughter Seeking Kindness,

      Your two first paragraphs of Shame-Part III hit right at home. I have not read your first two parts yet. We are in a very similar situation. My husband has been falsely accused. It’s so hurtful and painful. It doesn’t seem fair. I thought it was “Innocent till Proven Guilty”. ??

      I was searching the internet to find an advocacy group that might be able to help my husband and I when I came across your article.

      We are grandparents and we are so heartbroken. We love our grandchildren dearly. Our family has been broken all by a 13-year old who we didn’t even really know and she didn’t really know us. She’s not even a part of our friends or family. She moves on with her life while our family is broken.

      My oldest daughter is so heartbroken because of all this. It has torn certain parts of our family apart. How awful it is!!! I will pray for your dad and your family along with praying for my husband and our family.

    • #81027 Reply
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      Cheri

      Wow! I have felt this way for years, but have just never been able to put it down in words. I am way too emotional. I am sorry for what you and your family have endured. I have had a few nasty and horribly embarrassing moments caused by this registry, but none as severe as yours. Thank you for sharing. It means so much to hear these words coming from another person. I have felt so alone for so long.

    • #82815 Reply
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      Judy Mathes

      I believe that, no one should be on a sex offender registry for longer than their parole years.

    • #82843 Reply
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      A Mistake They Made

      If he is innocent he cannot take a plea agreement don’t do it. If you win you owe it to yourself, and anyone else wrongfully charged and convicted to sue the out of them. If you lose your trial appeal take it to the supreme court if you have too. If you lose there then file for Post Conviction relief. At the very least it will cost them a mint in the end just to keep you wrongfully convicted.

      Disclaimer i’m not a lawyer please ask a lawyer before doing anything I mentioned.

    • #83062 Reply
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      Teresa

      Hello everyone … my thoughts after reading Shame go something like this:
      1. I am horrified by the abuse that thousands of So’s and their families suffer after the SO has served his/her time, and that the family members cannot heal but, instead, also suffer so deeply;
      2. There has to be some way to banish the Registry and make parole/probation offices solely responsible for the probationer/parole, just as they are for every other type of released prisoner; and, lastly …
      3. Why can’t all the thousands of SO’ and family join in a federal class action lawsuit against the Registry? Wouldn’t this make the government take notice and change this bullcrap system?
      Hit them where it hurts most … in their wallets!!!

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