Time to quit complaining

Originally published at NCRSOL and reprinted with permission.

By Phoebe . . . For starters, just know that I am a real person with real emotions.  I work really hard to keep a positive attitude, despite my circumstances.  However, I need to say this.  I am sick and tired of whiners during this COVID-19 pandemic.  “Oh, I am stuck at home.  Oh, I can’t go to work.  Oh, I can’t go to the movies.  Oh, I can’t go to school.  Oh, I can’t go to church.  The park.  The gym.” The list goes on. “This is like being in prison.”

And my reply?  “Boo-hoo.”  I am sick to death of hearing it.  Come on, peeps.  Life IS hard due to the virus.  But you know what else is hard?  Living ON or WITH someone on the registry.  People are now getting a small taste of what it is like to live by the laws of the registry.

This little pandemic, not to disregard the severity of it, will pass.  It will.  The effects of the registry will not pass.  Let’s compare – maybe you lost a job due to the virus outbreak.  Many people on the registry are continually denied jobs, and not for lack of trying but simply because of their label.  Maybe you say you have to watch church on Facebook because you can’t attend right now.  Well, registrants can’t use Facebook.  Nor can they attend church in many states.  Your park is closed and you can’t run your trail?  Guess what?  Neither can registrants.  Your library is closed?  Registrants can’t go anyway, and yes – they can read.  <Insert the sarcasm.  I am feeling snarky today.>

I honestly have self-diagnosed myself with PTSD after living through the effects this registry puts on families.  Every step we take is calculated.  It is much more than “Should I wear a mask to the store and use my hand sanitizer?”  Again, these things are critically important right now, but so is my life and my well-being.  So is the life of my family.  So is the life of every other registrant out there trying to stay sane despite laws that work extremely hard to tear you apart.  Life on the registry is a 30 year or longer “quarantine sentence.”  So pardon me if I don’t take kindly to the whining that Walmart closed early or you have to order your toilet paper from Amazon.  Your life will soon be back to some kind of normal.  Mine, not so much.

And you know what else?  People seem scared to interact with a registrant, as if they will catch “the virus.”  Yes, registrants are ostracized from the rest of the world, and it is the very laws that set it up to be this way.  This is why we need voices.  We know that squeaky wheels get the oil.  Why aren’t registrants and family and friends of registrants being squeaky right now?  IT. IS. TIME.

We are in a day and age where the talks of equality are bubbling to the surface.  I hope we all remember that humans are real people with flaws.  No matter their age, gender, race, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or registry status, we are all humans.  Please don’t make this turmoil we are experiencing be about you.  Don’t sing the “oh woe is me” song.  Take this opportunity to value people.  All people, including those who are reformed registrants.  Give second chances.  Show compassion.  Experience forgiveness.  Resist making assumptions that all people are guilty.

I know, I know.  I am not feeling quite so positive right now.  This is actually why I write these blogs – to heal my wounds.  I am whining now, but I’ll be over this soon. I am the very thing I am annoyed by – a whiner.  Okay, whining is officially over.

It is time to be inspired for change.  It is time to voice your concerns over the registry.  It is time we work together.  NARSOL is hosting a VIRTUAL webcast this weekend to replace the annual conference,  and we need you.  Everything is different this year.  We’ve never had a virtual webcast like this, and we still need people to register.  Sit in the comfort and privacy of your home and listen to influential people with great knowledge educate us on how to be change agents against these laws.  I challenge you.  It will be the best $35 you’ve ever spent.

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    • #73344 Reply
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      KathyAnn

      I agree that the Registry should be eliminated. Families do not need to continually be torn by the registry. Once a person does their time, that should be it. Let them live their life without looking over their back .

    • #73361 Reply
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      Gregg Gustin

      Brilliant blog. I’d never considered the similarities drawn here. I love it.

      It is time for action. I was placed on the registry in 1992 for a grossly overcharged sex offense. I’ve paid for that crime 1000 times over and continue to pay for it every day.

      Because of my lifestyle (I live in a van which scares the hell out of law enforcement. More than once I’ve had police park near me at a highway rest area and stay all night watching me (when they run my plates and a LEVEL III SEX OFFENDER pops up, they usually call for backup.)

      Oh, they keep me at the highest level always. Despite being a relatively minor sex offense (sentencing Judges words not mine), and the fact it’s been 30 BLEEPING YEARS with not even a hint of a sexual reoffense, I’ve made some enemies here including the former deputy who is now our county’s sheriff.

      I no longer apologize for the past and am on the verge of becoming militant. However, rather than reacting stupidly & violently as I may wish to do, I’m going to work on it from the legal side.

      I may never live to see the abolishment of the registry, but I’ll do whatever I can to help the cause.

    • #73354 Reply
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      Tj

      I hope that it wont be another 25 yrs before my time on the registry ends. I agree that my life now is not really changed by the virus. I hope I’m wrong but I dont see politicians ever allowing the registry to end it’s too big of a hot issue it’s what most ride to be elected.

    • #73375 Reply
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      Facts should matter

      All true! Another fact that needs to be said: A temporary inconvenience is NOT oppression!

      These people that whine about being “singled out” could not even begin to imagine the life-altering impediments that being listed Online entails.

    • #73377 Reply
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      Liberty

      Do NOT go militant. The police and military now make extensive use of drones for reconnaissance, surveillance, assassination, and demolition. Drones are a delivery system capable of dropping anything you can imagine on a remote target, before either self desructing or returning. They are often carried by gliders/balloons to reach larger distances. The police and military are highly organized and know how to find an enemies weakest points and strike where it’s least expected. You don’t stand a chance. Even though there are roughly a million sex offenders in our country, they are completely uncoordinated and generally are pushovers. Just accept it, they took your freedom away, don’t give them an excuse to take your life. Maybe one day some judge will take pity on sex offenders. Go the legal route. The statue of liberty stands for freedom, remember?

    • #73386 Reply
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      Silas

      So true of an article that I can’t even begin to explain the tortures of being on that list. My nephew plead guilty as an adult and took responsibility for what happened between him and his sisters when they were children living together because he felt responsible due to the fact he was 3 years older. Long story short he had to register after he was released from prison for a crime he committed defending a girl he believed was raped and the sentence ran concurrent to the 10 year registration. He was released after serving the time for the unrelated case.
      Both crimes were sentenced on the same day. So he finished his 3 years parole and served his 10 years on the registry and found out about 10 days before he was supposed to be off the registry after 10 years, without due process that the state police relabeled him from Offender to Sexual Predator. Immediately we contacted a lawyer, after a few years of slow results because the lawyer and my nephew were not clear on what they were looking for that could bring about this answer of why it was changed so abruptly, my nephew had the lawyer present the facts to the state police.
      According to the State Police they changed his label because they felt he either met or fell within new guidelines for amendments added in 2006 to 2011 even though he was given a full MSR investigation before release in 2006. It wasn’t a state police officer that changed his registration according to what we found out, it was the legal team in the state police sex offender unit. His lawyer even met with an attorney for the state police, the attorney for the state police said that he; “saw the sentencing documents. This had never happened before. It was unfortunate and could only be fixed in court.”
      My nephew can’t get a job worth while because of this label and they (The state police legal team) expect him to get a trial attorney? It’s ludicrous, he was only able to afford the attorney to look into it. My nephew isn’t special in a legal sense, I’m very sure they did the same thing to others on the list that shouldn’t have been changed from 10 years to lifetime registration.
      He also I believe has PTSD from his reporting as a sex offender, he spends time making sure that he doesn’t violate any law that has been made constantly. It’s like he has been brainwashed into thinking someone’s out to get him.
      I believe the registry is corrupt and has become a new way to justify taking away the legal rights and monitoring people that don’t necessarily meet the criteria originally meant for the registry. It’s also become a booster for campaigns that are aggressively targeting new legislation. The sad thing is that the way government gets away with creating new laws added to registration requirements without checks and balances, is by amending it in our state. It’s almost a recognized enslavement to society monitoring.
      I know my reply was long but I’m justifying why I believe you are right about both the PTSD and the lack of mercy by even agencies like the ACLU for people labeled a Sex Offender in our society. It’s truly punishment in its purest form to be stigmatized your whole life for something that happened and then was paid for in time out of life. Second chances do not seem to exist anymore.

    • #73403 Reply
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      John

      Hi

      I am putting serious thought into doing the same – living in a van. Paying ridiculous amounts for rent these days but not having many advantages. Here in Australia if you’re on the registry the Police don’t need a warrant to come into your house. Nor do they need one to search for anything they wish in your own home. I just got raided (3rd time – just priviledge of being on registry) and they confiscated 2 pockets knives which weren’t even in the open, they were put away, inside of a box. They’ve confiscated most of my hard drives.I really don’t see any advantage in keeping a house at ALL.

      I’m trying to keep up my spirits but I’ve lost basically everything because of having an underaged girlfriend in the 90s when I too was a teenager.

      John.

    • #73408 Reply
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      The King of Facebook

      I will not accept that they have taken my rights. I will never accept the gross blanket mislabeling of vast portions of the population or the brainwashing of people into to believe they are evil for having natural sexual desires.
      Morality must prevail against draconian legislation in any society which deems to purport freedom as it’s quinisential cornerstone.

      I’d like to see go fund me paged prominently displayed on sites like this, and other AOC reform and SO law sites, which would easily allow us to choose which cases to donate to even if it’s just one dollar because laws are changed mainly through court challenges.
      There are a million of us!
      And in case you haven’t noticed, people have begun demonstrating their blatant disgust of faceism.

    • #73430 Reply
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      Saha

      Looking for Suggestions:
      Hi all:
      The Governor in New York State is calling for all people to get together to change the police and other policies. I wish to introduce something in relation to the Registry. I wish to have it abolished and/or have a meaningful legislation regarding using real evidence not the arbitrary instruments used and have a real definition of getting people off the registry and/or lowering levels in automatic time frames and/or having the registry not being published or terminated. This also comes with the collateral consequences that have occurred with the registry. (Job bias, having citizens jobs being posted against that jobs wishes, etc., having to always update 90 days, removing the police function from civil registry and doing away from jail time since the average is 1 1/2 to 3 years which ruins many lives and just feeds the system)
      I hope the conference was good. Sorry I missed it due to work.

    • #73436 Reply
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      Silas

      Tiers, tiers will not fix a law that encompasses multiple already defined laws into a group. Violent crime is already defined with its own set punishment. Theft crime is already defined with its own punishment. Sex offense crimes already had a set defined punishment that was supposedly not considered a punishment due to limited monitory effort at the time. Now sex offender crimes are connected to unrelated felonies. The whole scheme is a mutated form of political garbage. A person that was sentenced to serve 10 years on the registration shouldn’t be required to report for life because she or he went and had a physical altercation with another person and obtained a felony battery.
      The 2 unrelated offenses with different classifications should not be able to be combined. Here in Illinois a person gets 2 strikes with the class X felony scheme for the most part. They cannot say that a person that committed for example Class X Murder violated that second Class X Murder a 2nd time if she or he robbed a Candy Store for money with a weapon. Why can they combine other unrelated things into Sex offense legislation. In reality they are doing this because nobody is challenging it because the people they oppress are not able to fund these challenges adequately and believe they are stuck due to the stigma associated with the label. If a person like my nephew has served time for his crime, legislature should not be allowed to make new law to create previously sentenced people to serve undue punishment(s).
      Tiers in truth are created to ok including undefined parts they want included. Tiers are not in any current Sex Offender’s Constitutional interest. The fact is a tiered system allows for them to include unrelated crimes. A sex offense should be defined as a sexually motivated crime. Take that word apart Sex- the act of physical acts with another. The ual- should be defined as related to Sex, so performing that act or attempting to. No other law should be in that words designation. Including tiers is like saying there is tiers to Murder, an example half killing something would make someone a tier 2. I don’t think you can half kill anything which is why I can’t say a tier system is effective for a sex offender. Either she or he is a sex offender or not. But how long should she or he be a sex offender is the question. I don’t believe unless a person is a serial (Meaning more than once) sexual offender that they should be on there for life and I certainly don’t think that they should be on there if they were younger that 23 years of age. It’s a proven scientific fact that the brain up until 23 years of age is still maturing and that the actual gravity of these young wants and desires may be just that. Punishing someone that truly can’t conceptualize what they have done is immoral and absolutely wrong.
      I hope my point is clear, I feel tiers and lifetime registration for anyone sentenced before 23 years of age in the sex offender statutes serves to make a longer list for the bureaus involved and also make the list more meaningful to funding from the government. It’s not a list that points out actual risks, just people caught in a loophole of a system that’s broke.

    • #73438 Reply
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      H n H

      I’ve been watching the headlines recently and have to weigh in on all this. All this banter back and forth regarding police reform means absolutely NOTHING to bring about change. The problem we have is police overreach whilst executing given power. Who encourages said power the most? The District Attorneys and Judges who enforce all these laws, not to mention the legislature enacting said laws. So, burning down a Wendys or a Target is about the stupidest thing anyone can do and does nothing to stop what the police do (enforce laws). If we want real change, then by golly it has to start with the laws themselves. My personal opinion is that statutory rape needs to be completely revamped, regardless of gap of age with an test of “questionable consent” given in regards to what happened. The courts do the people a disservice when the individual they label as a “victim” is interrogated not for their own protection, but rather for the single purpose of securing a conviction. It matters not if the person cast as a “victim” objects. It matters not if the family objects, it matters not if there’s an outpouring of protest against the prosecution. It doesn’t matter if the person is capable of sexual arousal and intentionally allows or encourages said questionable activity. The court cares not about the family, or the newly found “Sex offender” they get to suck the life out of. All the DA’s and Judges, Courts and Administrators care about is securing another conviction, to hell with the wishes of the people. THAT has to change people! It has to! There must be a time in a persons life when they are held accountable for their actions, and the same goes for teenage girls seducing older men. They have the bodies, they’re fully developed, they know very well what they’re doing. In my case, the detective told a 15 yr old girl she could literally dance in front of me naked all night long and never once lead me on, his exact words were “it’s impossible”. Now… think on that. If I had said that to her and she did it, then I’d probably be given more time for intent. However the officer does it because he was attempting to get her to shut up about her role in what happened. And that’s ok. That’s bad policing, that’s bad law, that’s not caring at all about the individuals, it’s only getting a “win” for the parents of the girl who are unable to fully accept their daughters promiscuity and coming of age.

      I read all this on here and wonder why everyone is so consumed with the registry. The registry is only a symptom of the deeper problem, that of not being able to cope with individuals poor decisions regarding sexual arousal, and further, those making the laws have a feast out of violations of black and white laws. But if lifetime parole, (i.e. relationship monitoring, having to answer to the state for every feeling of sexual pleasure I experience, or orgasm I have) for the remainder of my life is “ok” with everyone here, then… I guess the registry is all we have to fight against.

    • #73444 Reply
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      Perry

      Phoebe, I agree with everything you said. I’m a Black 62 Year Old SVP Labeled Offender, out of Special Probation for the next Ten Years here in Pennsylvania. I can say Firsthand, that I don’t like the fact that it is the way it is for me, but it is anyway. So I have to live in this Corrupt System-for now! I also believe, that the way to combat The Registry and work to it’s elimination, is to combat the very Laws written concerning them. As of yet; I am unable to obtain a Law Firm that could or possibly might, fight for me to, at the very least get this SVP Label OFF of Me, and go back to my original 10 Year Registry Requirement. Not for now. I do believe however; that given time-and a few thousand dollars from The Investments I’m about to begin making-I’ll be able to obtain a Law Firm that will see about challenging These Outlandishly Insane Laws and fight-ACTUALLY FIGHT FOR ME-to get rid of the SVP Label put on me the way it was. Mine ended up happening like that, because the ADA in my last case WAITED NEARLY A YEAR before having me brought back to Court and ‘Re-Sentenced’! That, to me, seems Illegal in it’s own right! If I’m going to be sentenced like that, why didn’t it happen Initially when I was given my 2 1/2 to 5 Year Sentence? This and other kinds of outright MISUSE of Registry Law Application and so-called ‘Sentencing Guidelines’ is the biggest bunch of BS I’ve ever seen in all my years of life on this Planet. Call it what you will, but the bottom line is this: I’ll NEVER Accept that I will just have to ‘Deal With It’, for the rest of My Natural Life. I WILL FIGHT THIS THING. One way or another until my very last breath and heartbeat! As for Politicians? Remember, THEY’RE AS CORRUPT IF NOT MORE SO THAN WE ARE, If you’ve got Money-and a lot of it-most of the time you can get away with just about anything-Cosby, R-Kelly and Weinstein exceptions-but let’s face it. More often than not, a Political Figure, and a Powerful One at that, can get away with any kind of Sex Offense. Judges, DA’s and even ADA’s do too I’m equally certain of. We never hear about them though, and most likely never will. So for me, making some Investments in The Market, seems to be the only vehicle I can realistically use, to gather up enough money to get a Law Firm that will take my Retainer they’ll ask for-and it will be expensive I know-and FIGHT! It will take years too I also know, but I’m still going to FIGHT!!
      Done.

    • #73477 Reply
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      Saha

      To: H n H:
      Yes, I agree that the banter regarding police reform is a ruse. I am concerned how the powers are only focusing on that factor and how the NYS Governor is throwing Police Reform as the thing to get at when he is aware of the various corrupt system of the Courts, parole, and other agencies that have such an affect on people’s lives. However, as we have learned the process of getting things change, especially in this area of concern goes slowly and it should not have to.
      One of the areas is getting these people to change or even listen. Many believe in the law and were raised to have beliefs to uphold these laws and it does not matter or very little feelings are involved.
      The belief of if you do the crime then you do the time is now outdated, but, I believe that they are hesitant to any changes even though one can point out many books, stories and article written by some of the very people who run these systems as being a failure.
      I believe NARSOL and many other organizations have tried many times to bring these things you mentioned to light, but when your surrounded by politicians, scientist or other people who say different, out voices tend to get drowned out. This is why people have to get together, but being on the registry is difficult for so many and I believe you know why…shame…indifference…hatred…harm….banishment….punishment…. and a host of many other things that many are hesitant. Many registered citizens have taken matters into their hands. Some have petitioned the courts, held demonstrations, wrote to various outlets, but the registry is difficult.
      I am not consumed but concerned about the registry due to the harm that it has caused and continues to cause to people who have, for the most part, completed their sentence of punishment. There are so many latches attached to the registry that affects ones First Amendment Rights and rights to live free, pursue their happiness. People are being told they cannot live places, must register or face an upward of 7 years in some places, worse on the federal registry — for not filling out a paper. Employment do not see convictions as a past offense because the registry makes a person believe that that person is ALWAYS and currently dangerous. Now you have the International Megan’s Law where, depending on the conviction, your passport is stamped with some kind of identifier informing people that you are convicted of a sex offense. Other states has this provision in order to obtain driver’s licenses or even place them on the license plates of the car. One is banned from social media in some states under penalty of arrest and imprisonment. I mean how much is enough ? Land of the free? — for some.. Even convicted felons on other crimes do not have to face such terrible fates..
      Police reform is a start, but it goes and must go beyond that into the system itself.
      Oh, I know several registered people who have challenged the system and either lost, were overruled and I know one that won his case in reference to sleeping at another house which was not censored his second address. Guess what, they amended the law to reflect and correct the loophole. He also informed me on how he was treated afterward. Every week he had to relocated, and call the police every nite to inform them where he was sleeping. Every week he had to see social services to be moved for another week. This went on for 2 years and he was not even on parole. till this day he still cannot get off public assistance, obtain employment or find suitable housing…Not his choice.. This is a system that needs to be addressed because it is systemic.. I have other horror stories of non offenders who tired to get back on their feet but cannot due to the system.
      The registry is a start because when it was put into law, it affected and punished people and now almost anyone could be put on it and its a fight to get off.
      However, I would like to see changes in the whole system and that is why I am interested in joining a community group due to the extension that the governor has extended. I want to see changes to parole, judges, laws, the whole court system, corrections as well as “right to know” and having a conviction sealed after certain reasonable time frame so a person can integrate back into society. The registry, though, is a stickler, because of what is does to a person and the ongoing changes and things disguised as civil but its nothing more than punishment.
      IMHO trying to inform “them” about sex regarding a person under 18 is getting to be a harder issue. This from when the legal age of marriage was around 14 in some states. (might still be in some areas) These people have grown up and although they may have engaged in some of these acts, they have the power and belief that they are doing the right thing. I have had counselors inform me that they know what you state is correct, and others do not believe you because they were bought up differently. Anyway, hello all…. But do not give up !!!

    • #73598 Reply
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      Donna

      I noticed the author mentioned wearing masks. I thought registrants weren’t allowed to wear anything that could hide their identity. However, how is this handled when certain cities, counties and states have mandated them when in public? Can anyone shed some light on this as my son will be home soon and this may be something probation may approve but we don’t know yet. Thanks.
      This is a good time to bring the plight of the registry to light, but not sure if there is a truly effective way to start. That is what is making it so difficult. People need to organize but how, when and where? I wish the answers were as clear cute as the BLM rallies.

    • #73620 Reply
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      The King of Facebook

      Sexual activity involving sexually aware and willing participants cannot be immoral. It’s the reason Romeo & Juliet exemptions exist because the law as it stands is too Draconic and overbearing.
      I will never accept the gross blanket mislabeling of vast portions of the population or the brainwashing of people into believing they are evil for having natural sexual desires. The amount of psychological torture being metted out by these medieval chastity laws is incalculable. Morality must prevail against tyrannical legislation in any society which purports freedom as it’s quintisential cornerstone.
      Justice is blind not deaf or dumb, court’s should not automatically label someone violent because of archaic Mendicant decrees.
      The crucible of ideals that is America has no room for obtuse ism’s of any kind. How many million’s of lives need be destroyed by the dogmatic immoral doctrines of law before the fires of freedom burn away the last remnants of despotic rule.
      (Please excuse redundancies)

    • #73622 Reply
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      Jon S.

      Everyone around the US: “I’m not sure i can take this change… this isolation… staying at home, having no physical contact or social interaction. A few days is one thing, but it’s been a month, it’s too much!”

      Me, a Registrant of 3+ years: “…. huh? Wait, what changed…? I’m lost…”

    • #73638 Reply
      Avatar
      Bob B

      Gregg, you are exactly on point. We’ve become societies “boogie man” too long under the current draconion laws that are too frequently made up as they go along by whichever officer you may be speaking to at the time.

      Every neighborhood HOA, town, city, county and state have different laws which force us to have a narrow view with our attention on the small battles within local laws wherever we may reside. They have divided us with restraints and they continue to conquer us with each new rule or law they invoke.

      The time is right now, the iron is hot. We have to stand together, speaking with one voice, evoke the presence of the registrants, all one million + of must battle on the national level, in the DC swamp with all the weak kneed, group think lawmakers of the United States Congress.

      They DO NOT care about you or the impact on your families, children (whom they claim to protect) or even extended family members who just know that “if it’s on the internet it must to be TRUE”. Our arrest announcements and charges listed on google around the world within 6 hours of being arrested. SHAME THEM, make them explain…

      From the judges to the officers knocking on our doors to “check up on us”, we are scum to them even though many of us have repeatedly done our sentences and currently have nothing to look forward to for the rest of our lives.

      I do not believe burning stores, looting or taking over swaths of property will help us get the attention of our lazy and scared politicians. It may work to some degree for the current protesters, marchers and anarchist touring, burning and tearing up the country. We must come together to fight however we can because there seems to be very little to lose.

      It seems that we are going to have to get their (officials) attention somehow and given the estimates of ~ one million registrants in this country we need to unite for our cause. No more Scarlet Letters !

    • #73636 Reply
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      Scott

      Well written. I only wish one more thing had been added for those “legal” citizens reading the blog who say, “But I didn’t break the law. So I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m in prison.” To them I say, “Those living with someone on the Registry haven’t broken the law either. And many on the Registry have paid their debt to society (so the law says). So they are SUPPOSE to be treated like regular citizens.”

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