The Coronavirus as seen through the eyes of our Insiders

See also   Part I   Part III   Part IV   Part V   Part VI   Part VII   Part VIII   Part IX   Part X   Part XI  Part XII

Jacob, as many other gifted writers before him, turns to humor, farce and satire to deal with a very serious issue.

Part II: An emergency declaration to stop the ongoing spread of COVID-19

JACOB 3/21

WHEREAS the older population, those 55 years of age or older, make up 12.9% of the U.S. population; and

WHEREAS COVID-19, better known as the Coronavirus, has become a worldwide pandemic; and

WHEREAS COVID-19 is spread through societal contact; and

WHEREAS the elderly are at the greatest risk of contracting and succumbing to the COVID-19 disease; and

WHEREAS it is the responsibility of our government to protect the safety of its citizens, especially the more vulnerable populations;

THEREFORE, by power granted to me through various channels, I hereby declare the following:

1) All individuals testing positive for COVID-19 must register their names, home and work addresses, vehicle descriptions, and other pertinent information with the government in order to track their whereabouts as needed; and

2) Any individual testing positive for COVID-19 shall not reside, loiter, travel, or visit any area within 2,000 feet of any hair or nail spa or salon, barbershop, bingo parlor, casino, bar, liquor store, golf course, church or synagogue, “gentlemen’s” club, residential or assisted living facility, nursing home, or any other area where the elderly population are known to congregate; and

3) The purpose of this declaration is to stop the spread of COVID-19; it is not intended to be punitive but only regulatory; and

4) Any person violating this declaration shall be held in custody until he or she is no longer deemed a threat to public safety as determined by three physicians, the Center for Disease Control, and the federal and state governments.

Declared this 21st day of March, 2020.

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  • Author
    • #71736 Reply
      Dave C Registered

      You know, I’m not as eloquent as most of the commenters I’ve seen here. So I’ll just say this. I love it. It’s not very often that people in my position get to laugh when it comes to registry laws. So thanks for the satirical pick me up!

    • #71739 Reply
      The Criminalized Man

      If only.

    • #71738 Reply

      I’m not surprised by this. They-the Legislators-don’t care if we die…as long as it’s not one of them, or their Loved Ones. And furthermore, They’ll bend over backwards, to make sure NONE of their Loved Ones get anything near what the rest of Us get, if they get a Sex Crime Conviction. Try to convince me they won’t, and I’ll sell you The Moon!

    • #71744 Reply

      The corona Virus is a PLANED Demic. Simple and true.

    • #71752 Reply

      In medieval times, executioner’s were treated very similarly as modern day SOs. Usually they were the outcasts of society and expected to live at the outermost parts of the city. Some very specifically branded with a mark and had to do odd jobs in between executions to survive. They were feared and often cursed by the population. Not only were they subject to contempt, but so were their family members. History repeats in so many strange ways.

    • #71754 Reply
      Marian A Penev

      Even Covid-19 will come and go, but the label “moral leper ” on nearly one million will remain. Once upon a time a leper stayed outside the camp for a while and then examined and if he/she was healed was brought back in.
      Have we not learned anything from the past?
      Are we to ignore the past?
      Yet we hear the saying ” we all learn from our mistakes “. Is that some sort of conundrum for the ” LEARNED ” to solve?
      Well, that’s the 21st century puzzle to solve, so I think.

    • #71772 Reply
      Anonymous Registrant

      What a perfect analogy to how the SO registry works! I plan to share with my friends. Brilliant!

    • #71787 Reply

      I had heard on the news recently that they’re talking about a stamp to put on driver’s licenses that declare that you’re free of covid 19. Don’t want to stigmatize the ones that have it.
      It’s a list, but of shaming, it exalts.

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